Thursday, May 3, 2012

Here's a list of things that are awesome:

  • Getting third place in a cut-throat Pub Quiz
  • Old friends/New friends
  • A job--in this economy, any job
  • Living the dream
  • Epic ski mountains 30 minutes away
  • Epic climbing 30 minutes away
  • Family
  • Great Television, in general
  • Arrested Development, The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Justified, Parks and Rec, Modern Family, Raising Hope, 30 Rock, Archer, Frisky Dingo, Black Books, Green Wing, Kids in the Hall, Futurama, in particular. 
  • Movies. Just, just, movies. 
  • Good books; complicated books, pop books; books
  • Kittens in baskets
  • Kittens with yarn
  • Kittens in general
  • Cell fucking phones
  • The ability to travel 500 mph, through the fucking air, while sitting comfortably in a chair
  • The universe
  • Seriously, every single one of the ~300 billion stars in our mid-sized galaxy, which is one of ~200 billion known galaxies in the universe. 
  • The math that results from multiplying ~300 billion and ~200 billion
  • Science!
  • Salt Lake City
  • Washington, DC
  • L.A. 
  • New-fucking-York City
  • Other places I've been and enjoyed
  • Other places I've been and haven't particularly enjoyed
  • Other places I haven't been. But would like to visit
  • Humans, in genera
  • Humans, even the shitty ones
  • Modern transportation systems
  • Cars
  • Subarus
  • AWD
  • My car
  • Music
  • Music, really--all of it--even the shit I don't listen to. Fucking notes on a page, some jerk singing. Brilliant
  • Computers (seriously, you wouldn't even be reading this without one. Ha! Get it? Hint: The joke is, nobody's reading this)
  • Family, specifically having three amazing siblings who are all their own amazing people
  • Family, specifically a mother who taught me everything I know about being kind, loving, and accepting of other people; one who said, "do anything you want, I don't care, just be sure you want to do it--and I hope you're good at it."
  • Family, specifically a father who cares, helps, and offers significant guidance in every walk of life. 
  • Family, specifically the hundreds of cousins, aunts, and uncles who help remind me where I came from. 
  • Snow
  • Sunshine
  • Warm rain
  • The feeling you get when you don a rain coat and tell cold rain to go fuck itself
  • Seasons
  • Comedians
  • Comedians, specifically Louis C.K. and Patton Oswalt--also David Cross
  • Mitch Hurwitz, Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Z. Danielewski: three very different writers who have taught me writing can be fresh, funny, and full of potential
  • Sleep, most of the time. But not always when it cuts a list short...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Why the hell not

[cracks knuckles, punches kitty]

All right, let's give this whole bloggin' thing another try. (See what I did there, I called "blogging" bloggin'. I just hit the ground running every time. First out of the gate and all that jazz.)

So this is The Essential Dialogues of Play-Doh. I see you've caught the Plato reference. Well done.

That's important as I'm not comparing myself to Plato. Far from it. I'm comparing myself to that salty, sculpting wonder-substance that so many children get filthy with their dirty little fingers...

OK, let me start again. I'm like Play-Doh in the sense that if you leave me out of my case for too long, I dry up and become worthless. Then you throw me in the trash and buy more at the...

This is bad for everyone involved. 

Well, I thought there was something to the name when I created the blog. Apparently there's not.

But it exists, and right now, I'm coming off a week-long battle with some random sickness and do not care about better names. My expert interweb research skills have indicated it was probably strep. Fuck strep.

I have heartburn, because I just ate half a French loaf, and for some reason that's a side effect of this sickness. Just thought I'd add that, because when you start to get really uncomfortable reading this blog (if it hasn't happened already), at least you'll have the solace that comes from knowing I'm not feeling so great myself right now. 

So there's that.

And there's this:

I've been in Utah now for one year, one month, ten days. I've been in Salt Lake City since September. I'll have a post later this week on all my transpirings in Mormon-town over the last year.

Because I know you must have more on that subject now, this is an interpretive artist's rendition of life in Salt Lake City:



Until then, I must regain strength so I can anchor a perfectly mediocre team during Pub Quiz tomorrow. Soon, we shall rise above the shackles of weekly-18th-place play* and win it all. It is destined.

Oh yeah...I'm Jared. This is my blog. 

Here's a little bit about me: I'm a male human, pushing 30, and I like overly warm rooms.

Why do I like overly warm rooms?

Fuck you. That's why.

Awesome, guys. I'm glad we're off to a great start. I can already tell this is going to be fun.


*Last week, we were so consistent with our 18th-place play that we were in 18th place after round 3 when they tally the scores, round 7 when they tally the scores, and round 8 when they tally the scores. Strong, consistent, mediocre play. So there's that.